This post kind of goes along with my last blog post:
It is so much harder to be negative than to be positive. At least for me. My natural thought patterns when it comes to the way I think about myself and my life always tend to be more glass-half-empty than glass-half-full. What’s strange is that when it comes to other people I love, I always see in them so many wonderful qualities and promising futures, but for some reason when it comes to myself, I’m the opposite. Not to be a downer, but I hate that about myself (see what I did there?).
I’ve been having a rough/stressful couple of weeks. I’m so sensitive to stress and get to a stressed out point very easily. When something gets me to that point, I automatically want to shut down and go to my comfortable negative place and hang out for a while. There, I just keep telling myself that I’ll dust myself off the next day and then when the next day comes, I tell myself I’ll do it the day after, because working on feeling good about yourself and your situation is work, and stewing in your self-loathing is easy. I know it sounds terrible, but I am someone who needs to remind herself that she is not un-talented and worthless because my knee-jerk thought reaction when I think about myself is pretty much along those lines a lot of the time. What’s confusing about that is that I feel like in general I have a lot of self-respect and don’t really have patience for people who treat me poorly. So then why, pray tell, do I treat myself so poorly? Out of everyone, shouldn’t I be the one who loves me the most, besides maybe my mom? I know I’m not alone on this either. So many of us take such issue with appreciating and loving ourselves. What is that about? Nothing good comes from treating yourself like shit. Like, seriously, it will, for the most part, actually affect everything in your life negatively. I am a total believer in energy and how the type of energy you put out is the same kind of energy that you will also get in return.
The good news is that I’m trying to break those patterns and switch the energy I’m putting out into the world. I want to be the kind of person who believes in herself and believes that good not only will happen for her but is already happening. I am open and willing to change this very detrimental aspect of my personality and have begun working on myself to become more self-positive. I’ve been reading some very helpful books about ways to change these unhelpful habits and thought patterns that I’m addicted to, and instead to begin a regimen of activities that will (with practice) become second nature. I’ve been beginning to practice things like meditation, positive affirmations and positive creative imagery. What’s crazy is that it actually works, and when I am doing these things, I see real changes in my life. Weird, I know. The tough part is keeping up with it, and the hardest time to practice these things is when you need to be doing them the most. I need to keep on finding ways to continue on this positive path until it becomes habitual. It’s so important. Which brings me to my next step …
I’m going to take a little break from social media (as I put this out there on a social media site). Why? Because it’s literally depressing. Like, I’m addicted to Facebook and Instagram and random shit (see: THIS) , and more often than not, it makes me feel awful. I’m sure you know why but I’ll tell you anyway: Everybody puts their best life on Facebook. Their best pictures, their most fun times, their exotic travels, their witty status updates, other musicians posting about their awesome reviews and tours and music etc. Yes, once in a while you will see people post things that isn’t happy news, but clearly that’s no fun either. To me, sitting at my computer and seeing these things (even though I am sincerely happy for the success of others) just makes me focus on the lack of success that I feel like I’ve had so far. The lack of luck I’ve had so far. The lack of as much travel as I’d like to have had. Just, all that is lacking, or at least what I perceive as lacking even if it’s not necessarily true (this is one of those moments where “lacking” doesn’t sound like a word anymore after saying it so much). When I’m focusing on what’s lacking (sorry, one more time), I’ll tell you what I’m not focusing on; what’s right in front of me. The things that I do have. The good things. I know that social media is key these days to being in entertainment. Everybody says that it’s important to keep up with twitter and Facebook fan pages and this and that and everything under the sun, even when I don’t have anything to promote but the salad I just ate for lunch right now, but I think what’s more important is my happiness and creativity which are both being stymied by my incessant checking of FB etc. So, starting tomorrow, for at least one solid week, I am challenging myself to cut off social media in my life and go back to the good old days where I would have to think of other ways to entertain myself than just clicking around on random links and pictures. Like back in Little House On The Prarie days! But seriously, though, like 10 years ago, even. I’d rather be focusing on how I can improve myself and my own life instead of constantly checking Facebook to see what other people have that I don’t. I’ll be continuing to work on new music, and (hopefully) soon I will actually have something worthy to promote out there on the internets, but for now, I think you guys will be ok without seeing pictures of palm trees or my boyfriend for a bit. Declaring my detox from all things social media on tumblr (albeit, ironic) will hopefully hold me to it. And when the time is right, as Arnie Schwarzenegger once said, “I’ll be bach.”